Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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