Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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