I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
