you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Why can't burritos get me drunk
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
