um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
