Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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