I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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