dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
