nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
