fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
