Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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