O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
