sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
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