ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
