I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
