So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
