She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
