no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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