I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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