he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
