dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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