i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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