k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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