I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
