screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
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Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
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I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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