I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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