I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
