we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
