Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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