If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
