he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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