booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
