just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
