My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize