Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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