Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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