I'm really into asian looking animals
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
