my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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