in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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