i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
