I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
