Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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