u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
