I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
