Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
