I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
