I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
