R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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