got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
