So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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