You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
