coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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