I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
