I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
