She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
