Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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