dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
