turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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