I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
