There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
