Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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