Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
