honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
