holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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