Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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