Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Panties = found
Randomize
