weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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